Post Tagged with: "God"


God Vehemently Denies ‘Personal Relationship’ With Ted Cruz

God didn’t really want people to think he and Cruz were close.

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Ted Cruz: We Don’t Need NASA Because God Only Created Earth

To keep on par with Republicans wanting to ignore all things science-related, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) will be named chair of the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness, where he will oversee NASA and science programs. He’s delighted with his new role and is prepared to bring the gospel into the way he runs things. In a statement to Free Wood Post, Cruz said: “This is really my chance to change things around here. Enough of this climate science junk. […]

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God Spited Corvettes in Kentucky Over Recognition of Same-Sex Marriage

It was obvious in Kentucky today that God wasn’t pleased with the ruling from a Federal Judge that said same-sex marriages must be recognized by the state. In fact, He took his rage out in a horrible way. He didn’t want to hurt any people, so He enveloped eight vintage and beautiful Corvettes within a sinkhole at the National Corvette Museum in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Free Wood Post asked God why He would do such a thing: “I had to […]

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Poll Results Show Condemning Non-believers to Hell Is Poor Conversion Mechanism

A new poll released by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life shows that condemning non-believers to burn in hell for eternity for not believing in God is not an effective means to convert them.

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North Carolina Legislature Chooses Jesus as Official State Lord and Savior

Jesus Christ was selected as the winning choice and no other candidates were in the running. The state bird remains the cardinal, the state language remains English, and the state sport remains NASCAR. No other changes were made.

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Jesus Originally Turned Water Into Budweiser But Told By Angry Mob To Change It Back

Newer fragments of just recently translated Biblical documents suggest that the commonly known miracle of Jesus turning water into wine was not, in fact, his first recorded miracle.

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God Has Chosen New Pope In Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever

Word has leaked from blogger Reality Steve that God has chosen the next pope. After much pontiff-icating, God has selected the man whom we are told may not have originally been the most pope-ular choice.

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Egyptians Upset At Unfair Portrayal In Bible

Egyptian scholars gathered in Cairo to publicly protest what they say is a terribly unfair portrayal of Egyptians in the Bible.

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Less Than Three Percent Of Those Who Say They’ll Pray For You Actually Ever Do

New polling data collected by the Pew Research Center shows that of your disapproving friends who tell you that they “will pray for you” or “are praying for you,” less than 3% actually do such a thing.

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God Orders Cowboys Stadium Roof Closed

God broke decades of silence in all matters concerning football when He convened a press conference to order the roof permanently closed.

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