Post Tagged with: "Boehner"


Congress Loses Its Boehner

   In a stunning announcement Friday morning, Speaker of the House John Boehner announced his departure from Congress effective Oct 30. He leaves behind a legacy of…well…nothing. He failed his own party and the American people by being limp in the face of the extremists of his party. He was too flaccid to usher through a single piece of significant legislation. He was such an utter disaster that his own party tried to oust him from the Speaker position. There […]

Continue Reading →

Republicans More Excited Than Ever In Hopes Healthcare Will Be Stripped From Millions

  If Republicans get their way, more than 7.5 million people in 34 states could lose their health care subsidies offered through the Affordable Care Act. Conservatives who stand against affordable health coverage, because they like private companies to be able to choose whether people live or die, are currently creaming their panties over the potential Supreme Court decision. Speaker John Boehner (R- OH) said: “People should die, really. I mean if they can’t afford health coverage that’s not my […]

Continue Reading →

Looks Like Netanyahu Is Now The GOP Front-Runner

This may be the curve ball people have been waiting for…

Continue Reading →

Exhausted After Doing Nothing, Congress Takes Two Month Vacation

WASHINGTON D.C. — After a few days back in Washington D.C. doing nothing but grandstanding and poppycocking, Congress is exhausted and will be taking a 57 day break. “It’s hard doing so much beating around the bush,” said Speaker John Boehner (R-OH). “Thinking of excuses to not pass bills and blaming the Democrats even though I’m Speaker of the House isn’t always easy. Then I have to coordinate with the Senate and make sure they’re stalemated as well. I’ve been […]

Continue Reading →

Speaker Boehner: ‘President Obama needs to more or less do more and less’

WASHINGTON D.C. — Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) held a press conference this morning addressing the growing crisis’ around the nation. From border protections, to jobs, to Meatloaf Mondays in the Congressional cafeteria. “He’s incompetent! He does everything on his own without Congressional approval,” said Speaker Boehner waving his fist to a crowd of eight at the local Washington DC Denny’s. “Then I asked him to do something without Congressional approval, and he won’t do it. What’s wrong with him?! My […]

Continue Reading →

GOP Introduces Bill To Remove ‘The New Colossus’ From Statue of Liberty

With the recent surge of undocumented minors coming across the border from Central America, the GOP wants to modify the Statue of Liberty and remove anything that resembles welcoming immigrants. “That was the old us,” said Speaker John Boehner. “We’re full now and can no longer be a nation of immigrants.” Senator Ted Cruz, an immigrant himself said of the new bill, “If these kids were coming from Canada they’d be welcomed with open arms, but they’re not, and they […]

Continue Reading →

Boehner To Investigate Benghazi Now That Obamacare Is Working

Troubled by the news that people are liking the Affordable Care Act, Speaker John Boehner has decided to shift focus. “I’ve worked very hard the past five years to get people to hate President Obama,” said Boehner in a FWP exclusive interview. “Do you know how hard it is to postpone governing to focus on scandals? We’ve had to find things, anything, to keep us from actually having to work for the people. Ugh, the people. There’s been the bailout, […]

Continue Reading →

GOP Blocks Minimum Wage Increase: ‘We Need People Dependent On The Government’

WASHINGTON, DC — The battle over raising the minimum wage came to a screeching halt today within the halls of Congress as the GOP blocked any form of progress. Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) said, “Listen, we need people dependent on the government. If people start earning more money, then they won’t need food stamps, and if people don’t need food stamps, how are we going to funnel government dollars to our corporate pals? We also can’t have people realizing they […]

Continue Reading →

GOP: ‘Tax dollars should be for war and subsidies for the rich, not healthcare!’

WASHINGTON, DC — Many on the Republican side of the aisle are still up in arms about the passage and implementation of the Affordable Care Act. They are most upset about the use of taxpayer dollars to fund it. Especially through the use of a mandate. “How dare the president and other like-minded liberals expect people to be forced to buy health coverage,” said Speaker John Boehner. “Tax dollars should be for war and subsidies for the rich, not healthcare! […]

Continue Reading →

Software Expert: Healthcare.gov Has Fewer Glitches Than GOP, Works More Than John Boehner

One software expert claims that Healthcare.gov works more than Republican House Speaker John Boehner and with less glitches than the entire Republican party.

Continue Reading →