Archive for Category: "Vile Vociferations"


Texas Creates ‘Revolutionary’ Alternative to Obamacare

Texas Governor Rick Perry has finally saddled up and presented a new alternative to Obamacare: “Perry Care”. Heal or no Heal starts this fall.

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Michigan Man Starves To Death by Following One Too Many Food Safety Studies

Michigan’s Melvin Reginald Bartlett, starved to death yesterday after following one too studies on food safety. What did he discover and is any food safe?

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“I Only Rescue Hotties!” Disney Princes in for Controversial Makeover

Disney and Abercrombie & Fitch have teamed up for a controversial and sexy new ‘Heartthrob Disney Prince’ line of merchandise and clothing.

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Obama Appoints Profane Sorority Girl Ambassador to North Korea

At Sunday’s press luncheon, President Obama introduced Julia Jacobs as the new U.S. Ambassador to North Korea. Julia, the University of Maryland student whose profanity-laced email to her sorority sisters went viral last month, may seem like an unusual choice. According to President Obama, “We needed to implement a new strategy in dealing with North Korea. While I am sure many will view this move as radical, I believe Julia’s creative use of the American dialect can help us send […]

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Arizona’s Gov. Brewer Announces Adopt-a-Gun Program

A Public Disservice Announcement: Somewhere in Phoenix, Arizona a lonely AK-47 awaits its execution. Feeling alone and unwanted, covered in dust and grime it gazes out into a future that it knows it will never see. Only four years old, this heartbroken AK-47 was abandoned by its owners at a “Turn in Your Gun” event. Its fate? Destruction. Soon it will have its very essence violently torn away by the hands of liberal heathens. The promise it once held, the […]

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Bush Presidential Library Steals Children’s Books from Local Schools

  Librarians from public schools in Dallas, Texas have asked that the Bush Presidential Library return the tens of thousands of children’s books that were borrowed for last week’s opening. John Swift, head of the Library’s selection staff had the difficult task of filling the library’s shelves for a President who frankly “ doesn’t read ‘wordy books’ too much.” President Bush and Swift visited local schools to find books that represented the man and the Presidency. “We examined books with a wide […]

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Washington State Seeks Constitutional Amendment Banning Straight Marriage

In a surprising and controversial move, the Washington state legislature is considering an amendment to its constitution defining marriage as only existing between couples of the same sex. The amendment will be voted on in the November election and is currently polling at a tight 51%-49% in favor of the change. The New Marriage Amendment (N.M.A.) was first introduced by a non-profit organization called the Preservation of Marriage Coalition whose mission is to “preserve the sanctity of marriage”. However, during […]

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Senate Passes Historic Gun Reform Bill

Beginning immediately all buyers of both new and used water guns will have to undergo a comprehensive background check to ensure they have the mental stability to properly care for and use their weapons.

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Virginia: Rape Victims Must Provide Video Proof of Attack to Prosecute

In the land of the free, where a woman is raped every 24 seconds and only 3% of perpetrators ever face jail time, one state is finally fighting back.

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ASPCA & Sarah McLachlan Sued For Inciting Suicide

Did you know that every single hour thousands of people are traumatized by ads featuring sad but cute animals accompanied by the soul-wrenching music of Sarah McLachlan?

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