Articles By: Michael Hayne


Chris Christie Now Says He Wants GOP To Charge Voters A Toll At Voting Booths

New Jersey’s blustery Republican governor made headlines yesterday when he joined other right-wing governors in their efforts to impose stern and undemocratic voting restrictions. Christie, who vetoed a bill that permitted early voting and messed around with the voting process in the state of New Jersey during last year’s special Senate Election, now wants to the GOP to control voting mechanisms, according to the Bergen Record. Doubling down on his initial comments on voting, Christie now says that he wants […]

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US Threatens To Topple ISIS By Releasing Nude Photos Of Joe Biden

President Obama and his foreign policy team have been scratching their heads in a thus far deliberative attempt to figure out how to break up ISIS. The well-financed and armed international Islamic group of terrorists inflicting pain and misery in Iraq and Syria.  The sheer magnitude of, and its massive amounts of money, combined with the fact that President Obama and the American people aren’t eager to jump back into Iraq, has puzzled the president and his team. However, videos […]

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Poll Shows Only Police Americans Trust Is Rock Band From 80s

    The shooting of unarmed teenager Michael Brown in the small town of Ferguson, Missouri and the brutish police response to the protests that followed  has rocked the nation. Americans watched in horror as Ferguson’s over-militarized police, with armored vehicles and grenade launchers in tow, looked more like troops battling insurgents in Afghanistan than a local police unit quelling protests. Consequently, the public’s trust and faith in the police to faithfully enforce the law and serve and protect is […]

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New Poll Shows Ebola More Popular Than Congress

With each and everyday that Congress doesn’t pass any meaningful legislation, the American people grow even more frustrated with them. For example, only fifteen percent of Americans approve of the way Congress is handling its job, according to Gallup. And more than one in five say replacing all members is best way to fix it. Nonetheless, even as  Ebola–the deadly West African disease–is making  a comeback and poising a public heath threat to Americans traveling to and from the West […]

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Congress To Impeach Obama For Violating Sneezeguard Powers Act

President Obama may think he’s in legal trouble from Republican House Speaker John Boehner over his executive orders. However, he couldn’t possibly have foreseen the trouble he would find himself following a recent innocent visit to a DC-area Chipotle. Looking to grab a quick-lunch this Monday before having to address the White House Summit on Working Families, President Obama unleashed a social media firestorm after reaching his arm over the sneeze-guard that protects workers from customers. According to Chipotle’s national office, “no changes […]

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GOP Has Important Message For This Year’s College Grads

As this year’s college graduating class prepares to start paying off their $30-50k in student loans, the Republican Party is offering some words of wisdom. “It’s very important that each and every college graduate doesn’t know math, science or history,” remarked one Congressional Republican. “Rather, they need to know the difference between a Venti and Grande size at Starbucks since we refuse to improve the economy while Obama is still in office.” And since 13.6% of Americans ages 25 to 34 […]

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Fred Phelps Passes On International Happiness Day, Irony Too Much To Bear

People around the country were joyous after the death of Fred Phelps, the rabidly anti-gay founder of the “God Hates Fags” Westboro Baptist Organization that was notorious for picketing the funerals of soldiers, celebrities, and many others in the news. But after discovering that today was also International Happiness Day, the irony became too much to bear for many.  “It’s really strange that it occurred today of all days,” said Randall Robertson, an openly gay man.“I mean, it’s almost like if Lindsey […]

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Technician Behind Olympic Ring Fail To Be Executed By Firing Squad

Russian President Vladimir Putin got to show the world the strength and grandiosity of his Russia during last night’s spectacular opening Ceremony.   But hopes for Russia’s glorious future literally looked dark following the Olympic ring fail when only four of the five Olympic Rings came together.   Although a minor and trivial mistake, Putin has worked incredibly hard and spent billions to flout Russia’s greatness. “Pooty (as he likes to be called by his inner circle) was livid when he […]

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Chris Christie Offers Traffic Advice For Superbowl

Chris Christie, although embroiled in a massive scandal over his administration’s closure of the most heavily used bridge in the country, including wall-to-wall media coverage and a growing  US Attorney’s investigation, Chris Christie is offering traffic advice for the Superbowl. Chris Christie, a Cowboys fan, wants to help Seahawks and Broncos fans Seeing as Chris Christie is a huge Dallas Cowboys fan and that they missed the playoffs, he wants to give a little payback to the Denver Broncos. The Denver […]

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Santa Responds To Megyn Kelly: ‘I Watch MSNBC And You Know Nothing Of My Work’

Fox News’ Megyn Kelly caused quite a stir this week when she insisted that both Santa and Jesus are white. But while Megyn Kelly probably just thought that she was speaking only to a group of misinformed and angry white people, she actually reached Santa Claus himself.   Santa Responds to Fox News’ Megyn Kelly:   “I only watch MSNBC and Megyn Kelly knows nothing of my work” said an irate Santa during Blitzen’s podcast  But even though Santa never watches Fox […]

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