Articles By: Kyle Murphy


Bait and Murder Finally Legalized in Florida

Florida formally introduces Bill H-19 – also known as ‘Zimm’s Law’

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Canada and Mexico Scramble to Build National Security Fences to Keep Out Republicans

While moving to Canada under a Republican presidency has long been suggested by American liberals, it appears the U.S.’s northern neighbor had never been concerned with the threat until it was made by the American right.

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Republican Party Admits to Being a Massive Prank

Confirming suspicions long-held by much of the American political left, Republican party chairman Reince Priebus unveiled on Friday that his party is, and has been for over four decades, one big piece of satirical performance art.

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Mitt Romney Promises to Cut 2 Trillion Imaginary or Hey Maybe Real Dollars from Snuffleupagus

Mitt Romney promised on Friday to figure out if Snuffleupagus is real or not and if so, cut the roughly ten dollars and fifty cents it costs to animate the creature on Sesame Street each month, or, preferably, the tens of billions of dollars it costs each week to bring such an imaginary character into existence.

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‘Marxism no longer corresponds to reality’ says Man in Giant Hat who speaks to Invisible Cloud People

Pope Benedict XVI criticized Cuba’s Marxist system earlier today, saying he and the all-powerful being he personally represents find it backwards and out of step with common sense.

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Herman Cain Leaves GOP Race To Spend More Time With His Pizza

Herman Cain announced on Saturday his intention to suspend his run for the GOP nomination, citing the noticeable nationwide decline in the quality of pizzas since he started his bid. He plans on returning to Godfather’s Pizza as soon as possible.

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Gingrich Advises Occupy Movement: “Take a bath, get a job, and stick with your wife.”

Newt Gingrich took it upon himself to pass a bit of sage wisdom – and tough love – to the Occupy Movement on Monday, indicating they needed some lessons in personal hygiene, hard work, and marital fidelity.

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Herman Cain: “You miss one hundred percent of the gropes you don’t take.”

Speaking in front of a large group of supporters on Monday, presidential hopeful Herman Cain took the opportunity to discuss his personal philosophy on achieving success in the modern world, as well as what it means to take the necessary risks involved.

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Trio of Spirits Teach Hell House Operator True Meaning of Halloween

Pastor Roberts, having learned the true meaning of Halloween, has promised his Christian Hell House will pay proper homage to Halloween from now on.

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Tuxedo Cats Declare Themselves the ‘James Bonds of the Animal World’

The National Association for the Advancement of Tuxedo Cats, an organization made up entirely of little black and white felines, released a statement on Thursday officially declaring their breed the ‘closest thing the animal world has to a James Bond.’

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