Articles By: Kevin Nelson


GOP’s Rush To Ban All Foreign Languages Stalled After Realizing England Is Also A Foreign Country

Conservatives voiced a tirade of anti-foreign language rhetoric when a multi-language rendition of  America the Beautiful was aired during the Super Bowl. The conservative world exploded in a fury of tweets, Facebook posts and bog entries condemned the act of not speaking in English in America. Many labeled the act as unpatriotic, un-American and treasonous. Some GOP figures seized on the opportunity to ferment the growing chasm of social and ethnic divide and to solidify their conservative base. Rep. Paul […]

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Michelle Bachmann Injured in Freak Twerking Accident While Marcus Wins First Prize

A reliable source within Rep. Michelle Bachmann’s Washington D.C. office has confirmed that the Tea Party leader and Congresswoman was slightly injured what is being called a freak twerking accident at a Martin Luther King Day photo-op. Apparently Rep. Bachmann and her husband Dr. Marcus Bachmann were attempting to engage the crowd and join in a Martin Luther King Day Celebration at a Citizen’s for Prosperity Rally that was closed to the media and oddly enough it was noted that […]

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Kentucky Launches New Tourism Campaign: KY is for Lovers

FRANKFORT, Kentucky – Gov. Steve Beshear announced the state’s new tourism campaign to bring in more money into Kentucky and inject their economy with much needed revenue. The plan has the backing of Senator Mitch McConnell and Senator Rand Paul. They are spending millions on billboards, television and radio commercials. The new slogan is “KY is for lovers” and has met with great interest in places like L.A., San Francisco, New York, Boston, Miami and Seattle. The Kentucky Tourism Board has also printed […]

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West Virginia to Bottle Freedom Flavored Water

The State of West Virginia has announced plans to join in a venture to bottle its “Freedom Flavored Water” with Freedom Industries. They are getting calls from the legislators of several states as well as members of Congress to bottle and ship this elixir of freedom and health to their states. The Koch brothers have endorsed the project as well as several prominent Tea Party members. Texas Senator Ted Cruz said, “Nothing tastes like freedom more than free enterprise.”  Congresswoman […]

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Mitch McConnell Courts the Zombie Vote

The interesting fact is that Mr. Perry had been dead for seven weeks prior to the donation. The GOP doesn’t see this as a problem unless it’s a Democrat or Gay Zombie giving donations to their causes or their PACs.

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Annoying Cops in New York Now a Felony, Millions of New Yorkers Expect to be Arrested

In a controversial move the New York State Senate has passed Senate Bill S.2402 which makes it a class E felony to annoy a police officer.

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Millions of FaceBook Users Plan to Retire to Farmville After the Election

A recent Free Wood Post poll shows that millions of Facebook users plan to retire to Farmville after the 2012 Presidential Election.

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Fox News Reports Muppet Related Crime at All Time High, Romney Vows War on Vowels

Some of the problems which have been identified with Sesame Street are “sharing” which is a subtle way of teaching socialist doctrine, “counting” is a dubious practice because it casts doubt on both Reaganomics as well as Ryanomics.

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Millions Seeking Obamacare Death Panel Jobs Unable to Apply

Millions of people are seeking to get a foot in the door before the advent of the Affordable Health Care Act, commonly known as Obamacare goes into effect but no one in our government seems to know how to apply for these much talked about Death Panel jobs.

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Romney to Boycott Debates After Learning He Won’t Be Debating an Empty Chair

Presidential contender Gov. Mitt Romney has issued a statement that he is very displeased to hear that the criteria for the Presidential Debates has been abruptly changed to actually include President Obama and not a proxy in the form of an empty chair.

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