Articles By: Eric Hetvile


GOP Rivals: Trump Only Pretending To Hold Horrific Republican Views

Each is pointing to evidence that Trump has not always held the horrific views that characterize the Republican party.

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Recent Inflammatory Ted Nugent Comments Are Being Called ‘All One Great Big Understanding’

“He really is an asshole.”

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God Vehemently Denies ‘Personal Relationship’ With Ted Cruz

God didn’t really want people to think he and Cruz were close.

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Groundhog Sees Republican Candidate List, Predicts Six More Months of Assholes

A crowd gathered at Gobbler’s Knob early this morning, awaiting the emergence of the famed groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil.

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Recent Trump Comments About Muslims Beginning To Split Horribly Racist Voting Block

Republican candidates are scrambling to respond to this fracture of what has long been a solid voting demographic for them.

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God Starting To Rethink Whole ‘Free Will’ Thing

Recent reports suggest that God, the Creator of the Universe, has been starting to have a change of heart about granting humans free will.

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Chaffetz Forced To Admit Planned Parenthood Video Was Scene From 1988 Movie ‘Child’s Play’

“Look at what has been done to this baby,” Chaffetz had said.

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Rick Perry Forming Exploratory Committee to Locate and Retrieve Head From Rectal Cavity

  In what many are pointing to as related to a possible 2016 Presidential run, former Texas Governor Rick Perry has recently made quite a few speaking appearances throughout the country. But just recently, Perry has officially formed an exploratory committee to attempt to locate and retrieve his head from his rectal cavity. “We ran into some trouble last time around. Almost put my foot in my mouth… you know… if I had actually opened my mouth in time. But […]

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Gay Agenda Suspected in Reading Rainbow Campaign

A Louisiana pastor has cited LeVar Burton’s recent Kickstarter campaign to relaunch “Reading Rainbow” across all digital platforms as more evidence of a widening war by homosexuals upon decent American society. Reverend Henry Jefferson, leader of a rural congregation of Pentecostals in eastern Louisiana, addressed the matter with his flock this past Sunday. “Just as the lion comes dressed in lamb’s clothing, such it is with this so-called reading campaign. Whenever I hear anyone suggesting that we should read stuff, […]

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Omniscient God Forced to Destroy 99.999999999% of His Creation

EARTH – Heavenly God of Creation, maker of heaven and earth, knower of all there ever was and all there ever will be, was forced to destroy practically the entirety of creation after deeming them a bit too much on the wicked side. “You know, you plan these things…and sometimes things just don’t turn out. Hey, it happens. Nobody’s perfect. I don’t know how anybody could have expected something like this to happen. Sure, there was that angel brief entitled […]

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