Howard Schultz Reveals Selling $5 Cups Of Coffee Proves Many Gullible Enough To Vote For Him

In a political climate where just about any old white male billionaire thinks those features alone are enough to qualify for the presidency, former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz believes his chances are pretty good. He’s also revealed another reason he thinks people may fall for his bid at the most powerful position in the world — they’re gullible.

Schultz knows that a good cup of coffee should cost a person about $2, but he also knows if you use fancy names for the sizes of your cups and drinks, people will pay upwards of $5-$10 for one single drink. He recently sat down with Free Wood Post to let us know why he thinks he has a chance at winning the White House:

“Listen, I know my only experience is in business, and I have absolutely no foreign policy experience or for that matter domestic policy experience, but neither did Trump. However, people voted for him anyway because he was able to sell gullible people lies they want to believe. And who better to do something like that than me. Hell, I’ve convinced millions of people that a small cup of coffee is worth five dollars. Let me let you in on a little secret, no cup of coffee is worth five dollars. So, if I can convince people to purchase a drink for $5-$10, I most certainly will be able to convince gullible people to vote for me. After all, I’m white, I’m male, I’m oldish, I’m a billionaire so that means I must be smart, and I have made an empire off selling overpriced beverages. I’m their guy! It’ll happen.”

Seeing that Donald Trump was able to convince millions of people that he’s right for the job even though he’s a failed businessman who’s gone bankrupt multiple times, a draft dodger, and an all-around racist misogynist, who knows, maybe people will see Schultz as a breath of fresh air. Many people believe the United States should be run like a business, even though running a nation like a business can easily run it into the ground, and the ones who get screwed are the American people.

It will be interesting to see if Schultz actually throws his hat in the ring or if he’s just pretending to run to sell books, only time will tell.


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