Trump Reveals Controversial New Mustache

When the rhetoric wasn’t enough he mimicked the salute. When that wasn’t enough Donald Trump, the frontrunner for the Republican nomination for president, decided to make one small change to his appearance: a mustache. Now it would be fair to say that sporting the style of mustache worn by a certain infamous German dictator may raise a few eyebrows. Though, if we were to believe Mr. Trump, this was merely a fashion choice with no intent to emulate anyone. When questioned about the mustache and the comparisons that quickly arose Trump responded, “What? I don’t know anything about that. Look, people like it. They ask me all the time to grow one. It’s great. I love having it and people love to see me with it. I really don’t see the similarity.”

While there is a possibility that Trump has never seen an image of one of most evil human beings to ever exist, one would wonder why nobody on his staff would point out the similarity. Trump, who is not known for backing down from a fight even when he is heinously wrong says, “You know, other people have mustaches and that’s okay for them. I get one and people get upset. But that’s okay because the people want me as their leader. They want me to look great. They want America to look great and they want me to take them to the promised land which I fully intend to do.”

As for the repercussions, Trump’s poll number rose by another 4 points. This probably shouldn’t come as a surprise. According to the Southern Poverty Law Center the number of radical hate groups has risen from 149 to 998 since President Obama took office in 2008. The KKK has also officially endorsed Trump and believes his ideology best matches their own. Hate is strong in the U.S.A. and Trump is taking full advantage. For Americans looking for a voice of sanity amongst Republicans, they’re in for a long wait. Here is what his fellow party members had to say:

Ted Cruz: “I actually kinda like it. I don’t know, there’s something about it that just looks really right to me. I can’t grow facial hair myself but good for him. Good choice.”

Marco Rubio: “Who is Hitler? Is that the guy who plays shortstop for the Reds?”

Sarah Palin: “I think he looks dreamy. I would follow that man anywhere and if he selects me as his Vice President I would happily ride that mustache to the Oval Office.”

As for what’s next in Trump’s arsenal of fascist follies only time will tell. For now, we’ll just sit back and watch as thousands of people across the nation raise their hands to salute the mustached man who only wants to make America white or uh, great again.


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Orbson Rice is the author of the book “Exposing My Orbs: The Rise of a Liberal Satirist” and the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.


Unedited photo by: Niniam Reid 

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