Trump: ‘Francis Better Watch Out Or I’ll Run For Pope’

The Republican Presidential frontrunner has picked a new focus for his verbal attacks- Pope Francis. After returning from an extended trip to Mexico a reporter asked the pontiff about Trump’s blatantly racist comments regarding the deportation of illegal immigrants and the possibility of building a wall between the U.S. and Canada. Pope Francis replied, “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian.” Trump responded with all of the vitriol you would expect saying, “I like the pope unless the pope doesn’t like me…. Then I don’t like the pope.” Later, Trump took it one step further, “Francis better watch out or I’ll run for pope after I’m president and then he’ll be out of a job. I’m the real Christian here. Before long, it’ll be known as Trumpican City, because I am Trump and I Can!”

Free Wood Post reached out to the congregation at the Church of God but Only My God Not Yours in Sumiton, Alabama for their views on the controversial statement. “Jesus didn’t like no rapists and murderers and neither does Trump. Jesus, he built walls to keep out all sorts of dirty people. You know, if Jesus were alive today he would vote for Trump and he’d probably make him pope too!” said, Cletus Bodean. His sister/wife Eustice agreed, “We gotta build those walls to keep those Mexicans from raping our cows and stealing our Meth… uh… money.”

Of course, not everyone agreed with this ‘thinking.’ In a Free Wood Post exclusive we spoke to the man himself, Jesus Christ. We caught up with Jesus in a homeless shelter in Portland, Oregon where he was helping the workers serve food. When we asked about the recent exchange between Trump and the pope he simply shook his head and said, “When people are hungry they should be fed. When they are sick they should be given medicine. When they are cold they should be given a roof over their heads, clothes on their back and warmth in their hearts from knowing that they are loved. This is truth and truth knows not of color or race, gender or orientation.” When asked who he would be supporting this election season he replied, “That is not for me to say.” Although, he did insinuate that he’s left-leaning and sides with social justice, so chances are he’d be voting Democrat this fall.

Pre-Mashup Photos by: Sergey Gabdurakhmanov and Boss Tweed

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Orbson Rice is the author of the book “Exposing My Orbs: The Rise of a Liberal Satirist” and the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.


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