Bristol Palin Declares Herself ‘Born Again’ Born Again Virgin – Third Time’s The Charm

After the birth of her second out-of-wedlock child, Bristol Palin has decided that she’s in it to win it this time. The daughter of half-term governor and failed VP nominee Sarah Palin has decided that she’s really really going to not only teach abstinence, but abide by her teachings as well.

“I’m what you can call a ‘born again’ born again virgin. I really tried to stay abstinent, but gosh darnit, that boy was so cute. Now that I have two children I think it’s really important that I set a good example. So, from now on, I’m not going to have relations with any man unless we’re married first. Engagements don’t count, and neither do really drunk nights. I’m ready to show my children and America that I can be wholesome and trustworthy, and not just someone who is trying to sell a make-believe schtick for money like my mom. Wait no, I didn’t say that. Please keep that off the record. But you know what they say, third time’s the charm!”

Will Palin be able to follow through this time without getting knocked up. Only time will tell. Although it may just be easier to abide by safe sex and use protection, but she’s adamant that abstinence works. Clearly.


Featured image: Flickr

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