Halliburton: $39.5 Billion From Iraq Wasn’t Enough, Excited For Possibility Of More


Well if there’s anyone who’s definitely ready to get deeper into Iraq it’s those over at Halliburton. In fact, they seem giddy.

The current Halliburton Chairman is over the moon that there may be a continuing conflict in Iraq. “That’s where all the best contracts come from, but from 2003 on we were only able to pull in measly $39 and a half billion. I mean, that’s after Cheney… err.. umm… I mean, after we were promised by an undisclosed person that we would pull in at least $50 billion. Now with this new conflict, maybe we’ll finally hit that mark!”

“Our goals must be clear in Iraq,” said former Vice President Dick Cheney. “And that goal is to make me and a company very near and dear to my heart the wealthiest imaginable. Sure, there’s an enemy… who do you think made sure they had to space to develop and take over so the conflict would continue and Halliburton could keep raking in money hand over fist? (cough cough) (points to himself and winks).”

It’s not clear at this moment if the ongoing conflict against ISIL in Iraq and Syria will expand to ground troops and a heavy civilian contractor presence like before, but Halliburton is ready to go at a moments notice.

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