Supreme Court Rules Corporations Can Force You To Attend Church

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There’s been a lot of outrage over the Supreme Court’s ruling in the Burwell v. Hobby Lobby case, stating that a corporation can exercise their religious beliefs and block access to contraception for their employees, but the Supreme Court took their ruling a step further today in a 5-4 ruling, that a corporation can force their employees to attend religious services at any denomination the corporation chooses.

Justice Samuel Alito penned the majority opinion in the case, and in it he wrote:

If a corporation is going to pay money to their employees they have a right to know that the money they’re paying is spent on moral things, and the only way to ensure their employees’ morality is to force them to attend religious services. A corporation’s deeply held religious beliefs should be imposed on all employees, because corporations are people and we need to keep those people happy. Unless a corporation is Muslim, in which case they have no religious freedoms.

In Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s scathing dissent she wrote:

What’s next? Forcing people to buy those little Jesus bobble heads you put in your car? The conservatives in this court have lost their fucking minds. If you could generate energy from people spinning in their graves the Founding Fathers could power this country through the next millennium right now. Seriously, what the hell is happening to this country? There’s no hope as long as we have justices like this.

Alito was asked how he felt about the dissent, and he responded by saying “I respect Justice Sotomayor’s right to her opinion but she’s a woman so I doubt the Founding Fathers would care what she thinks.”

While many Americans are angered by this ruling, churches are looking forward to the added money in their coffers. The ruling goes into effect immediately, and anyone who refuses to attend religious services will be fined and forced to return any earnings they have received.

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