President Obama To Require Everyone Get His Haircut


Taking a cue from Kim Jong-un of North Korea, President Obama has decided that everyone, including women, will be required to get his haircut.

“It’s going to keep things simple,” said President Obama in a press conference Monday morning. “No more bullying in regards to hairstyle because everyone will look the same, and we’ll save time and money because it’s fast, easy, and very inexpensive. It’s what’s good for America. Now, let me be clear… I’m not looking to make your life harder by implementing this haircut, but rather simplify lives and leave better focus for other areas in life.”

Many Americans are furious with this announcement:

“My hair is my identity,” said Carrot Top.

“People will just judge me by only my ass and inability to do anything but stand around and make money,” said Kim Kardashian.

“My husband has gone off the deep end,” said Michelle Obama. “There’s no way I’m cutting my hair to look like his. No way, no how.”

It has still yet to be determined if, in fact, President Obama can require haircuts to all look the same like in North Korea, but we here at Free Wood Post are leaning towards no.

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