Republican Erupts into Undecipherable Gibberish Regarding Homosexuality, Gun Control, and Abortion


At a local town hall meeting in Bismark, North Dakota open to the public where legislators, predominantly Republican, were discussing budding legislation regarding zoning permits and the school board, proud Tea Party Republican Thomas Frinkleman stood up and seemingly lost his marbles.

Apparently Frinkleman had been watching Fox News all day long prior to the event. He wanted to bring up some of the things had been viewing and upon standing all that came out of his mouth was, “The homosexual abortions of gay marriage and gun control want to take over our socialist abortions and gay marriage freedom. What can we socialism communism marxism abortion gay marriage control abhorrent totalitarian Limbaugh Coulter find to end socialist homosexuals all abortions… Obama…” 

Many in the room stood with mouths agape as others thought the 63-year-old Frinkleman may be suffering from a stroke. Upon asking if he was okay Frinkleman responded, “Abortion homosexuals!”

Frinkleman was escorted out of the room and into a nearby ambulance where he was taken to the local hospital to decipher what may be going on. As it turns out he was diagnosed with a growing disorder called “Fox News Psychosis” where prolonged exposure causes severe brain damage and brings about symptoms which cause an individual to recite common catch phrases from the news network.

Currently Frinkleman is receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local psychiatric hospital where he is exposed to facts and sunlight. He seems to be coming around, but the only way to make sure he doesn’t slip back into the psychosis is to remove all evidence of Fox News from his home and surrounding lifestyle.

We here at Free Wood Post wish Thomas Frinkleman the best in his recovery.

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