ASPCA & Sarah McLachlan Sued For Inciting Suicide

Did you know that every single hour thousands of people are traumatized by ads featuring sad but cute animals accompanied by the soul-wrenching music of Sarah McLachlan?

Some people have been rescued by supportive loved ones who managed to change the channel in time but…

For hundreds of others, help came too late and they killed themselves. THAT’S RIGHT, KILLED THEMSELVES!

That’s what a new lawsuit that names both the American Society to Prevent Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) and singer Sarah McLachlan, contends.

The suit claims that the suicide rate rises a remarkable 40% after the airing of one of the heart-breaking ads. It further states that the ASPCA has willfully tried to distress the viewer by pairing the forlorn yet cute animals with McLachan’s music and that it is just too much to bear for many unsuspecting viewers. The suit goes on to claim that the ASPCA and McLachlan are in fact, inciting suicide.

Lawyers for the case had this to say,

“Why can’t they show a few ugly animals? It’s all sad Golden retrievers, shivering Chihuahuas and kittens in casts. KITTENS IN CASTS, for God sake! Where’s the three-toed sloth, the Aye Aye or the pet bat? Don’t they need rescuing too?

Now we are all for helping the animals, but is it too much to ask to offset the pitiful cuteness with some downright ugly animals?  Maybe add a little peppier music? And what about us; the humans, are we not animals as well? Couldn’t they ASPCA protect us from their cruel ad campaign?”

No word yet as to if any court has agreed to hear the case.

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