Sistine Chapel Smoke Is False Alarm: Just Cardinals Relieving Their Glaucoma Symptoms

Jubilant followers of the Papal Conclave were ecstatic this morning when smoke already began to billow from the Sistine Chapel, as it was believed that a new pope had already been selected. But enthusiasm was soon dampened when it was noted that the smoke was neither black nor white and smelled distinctly of marijuana.

A short investigation revealed that the smoke was indeed a false alarm and was just from 38 cardinals taking a joint smoke break before lunch. Each of the 38 carries a legal prescriptions for the drug to battle debilitating glaucoma symptoms. Free Wood Post examined copies of the prescriptions and can confirm that they seem to be legitimate, and all are dated and signed by a medical professional by the name of “Dr. Herbert de Toqueville”.

Free Wood Post will continue to monitor the Papal Conclave and will provide new details, and what they smell like, as they emerge.


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