Paul Ryan Recovering From Debate After Pants Literally Caught On Fire

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The idea that a person’s pants could literally catch on fire from profuse lying has long been thought to be nothing more than an amusing idea for school children to toss around, but that all changed Thursday night. The vice presidential debate featured current office holder Joe Biden versus Republican challenger Paul Ryan, and the latter had his suit pants flare up into a blaze.

Ryan was called out numerous times for what any serious fact checker would call outright lies. That didn’t slow him down, however. Mitt Romney’s running mate was so disconnected from reality that a phenomenon once the domain of myth and legend is now being investigated as an actual possibility. It was Biden who first noticed the smoke and offered a jibe at his opponent.

“Your pants are smoldering after that one, sir,” Biden said. He didn’t know they would burst into flame and has since apologized to Ryan, saying “I’m deeply sorry for my comments and apologize to Mr. Ryan and his family. I want everyone to know I had nothing to do with his pants flaming up, but was merely pointing out the inaccuracies of his comments and his policies.”

Mitt Romney at first had no comment as the campaign struggled with how to handle the obvious implications of a man’s pants spontaneously catching on fire when he was in the act of telling enormous falsehoods. After a few hours, they did issue a statement that dodged the main issue while trying to lay blame elsewhere.

“Isn’t it more than apparent what was going on? The Obama campaign, desperate to hide from the socialist policies of the president used a trick likely picked up from a witch doctor in Kenya.”

Persons on the scene were quick to respond after the initial moment of shock. Ryan was also helped by what some have termed “magic underwear” that he borrowed from Romney. Ryan was released from the hospital after just a couple of hours and is expected back on the campaign trail next week.


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