George Bush is a “Damn Yankee”; Texans Move to Retroactively Impeach the Former Governor Over New “Birther” Controversy

All the hoopla about birth certificates and American Presidents just reached a new level. Ruth Davis of Mesquite, Texas exclaimed at a recent town hall meeting that “no one ever questioned George Bush’s birth certificate.” Don Jackson of Garland Texas then dropped a bombshell. He said, “actually I had looked into that and found startling evidence that George Bush was not a native Texan as many people were led to believe”.

Mr Jackson explained “when working in the public records office in the courthouse I once glanced upon a copy of the Ex Governor’s birth certificate and it stated that he was in fact born in Connecticut. I thought that maybe it was a prank played on me by a co-worker but now I think about it, it could be true. After all, ya’ll remember he did throw out that first pitch at the Yankees game, (no Texan would ever do that) and worst of all, he throws like a little girl. I was ashamed and embarrassed to speak of this, but I can no longer hold my tongue”.

If this is the case it would have made him ineligible to be Governor of Texas and they would have to retroactively rescind his stature and compensation. Any legislation that was passed during his tenure must now be overturned as well. The Texas constitution is quite clear that a Governor must be a natural-born citizen of Texas.

Clyde Dockweiler said, “no self-respecting Texan would EVER be led by a damn Yankee”. Enraged after learning of this deception the group quickly moved to adjourn the meeting. They planned to go home and gather their pitchforks and torches, then regroup and meet behind the barn at Jon David’s farm out near Rockwall. From there they would then head down to the Bush ranch and exact a little “Southern justice”.

The Bush family could not be reached for comment. His attorney said that “we have no intention of releasing the birth certificate and that any calls for such nonsense would be considered unpatriotic”. Being unpatriotic is now viewed in the same light as treason and classified as a 1st degree felony which carries the death penalty under the “Patriotic Act”. Ironically this law was enacted by Bush during his time as President.

On a side note, after hearing of the news country music stars, The Dixie Chicks–who nearly lost their career and had a long running feud with country star Toby Keith after saying during a concert in England that they were “ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas”– released this statement today. “Ha, suck it Toby Keith, we knew something wasn’t right about this idiot and now we have proof, he ain’t no Texan, he’s a bloody Yank”.

The Texas legislature filed an immediate motion today demanding George W. Bush be impeached retroactively.

As far as the legitimacy of the Bush Presidency? No one was challenging that.
Bubba Jenkins from Sunnyvale said with smirk, “hell, if they’ll let that Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist run amuck up there in Washington, ain’t nobody gonna stop a Damn Yankee from being President. They don’t have the same sense of quality control that we have here in Texas. Damn, them liberals might even put a Mormon up in there next, I tell you what, this has gone to hell in a basket of trout.”

Don’t expect things to blow over anytime soon. Texans are proud of their heritage and birthright, having been fooled by a Yankee for so many years will undoubtedly leave a scar.


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