Clinton Appointed to Secret Service Chaperone Position


On Tuesday, former President Bill Clinton was appointed to the position of Chaperone of the United States Secret Service. In reaction to the recent controversy involving alcohol, strippers and prostitutes in Colombia, the Secret Service has instituted new “rules of conduct” for its agents. One of the measures involves the appointment of a “chaperone” to monitor agents’ actions and enforce the new higher standards. Within hours of the announcement, President Clinton made a formal request to fill the position. According to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, “The former President was adamant that he would be able to provide the proper oversight for the after-hours activities of Secret Service agents and President Obama agreed.”

After examining the old version of “The Secret Service Rules of Conduct”, it is unclear whether the “new rules” were needed or just a reaction to the controversy. In the section labeled “Engaging prostitutes while visiting foreign countries”, the rules clearly stated:

1. Agents may entertain no more than five prostitutes per room, per evening.

2. If agents are garbed in outfits including but not limited to sexy kitten costumes, French maid outfits or latex body suits, they should refrain from leaving their hotel rooms.

3. Agents should refrain from creating a scene with prostitute(s) due to unrequited articulations of love or refusal to pay for services rendered.

Had the agents followed the previously established protocol there likely would not have been a scandal in Colombia. Still, according to Clinton the inclusion of a chaperone will create an aura of respectability. “The agents can still have a good time, but they’ll do it in a more discreet and professional way. I understand blowing off some steam, but they need to be believable when they deny it later.” The first test of the new regime will occur this weekend in Bangkok, Thailand where the former President is already getting comfortable in his new position by thoroughly vetting potential escorts.


Read More From Orbson Rice on Free Wood Post:

President George W. Bush to be Immortalized on Mount Rushmore

Grand Canyon to be ‘Filled In’ For Theme Park

EPA Scientists Say “We Quit!” – Agency to Close Immediately


Orbson Rice is a deeply disturbed professional Writer and Editor. He is also the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more from the God of Words himself or befriend him on Facebook.


Unedited Photo By Kojach


Print Friendly, PDF & Email

facebook comments:

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.