Paul Ryan Proposes Sending Seniors to Newt Gingrich’s Moon Colony

Republican House Budget Committee Chairman, Paul Ryan (R-WI), may have thought he had a major victory when his controversial budget plan passed in the Republican-controlled House, but his latest proposal is sure to make the tea party darling fill up on all the Pomade in the world.

It’s really no secret that Rep. Ryan doesn’t care very much for Medicare and our nation’s seniors. Some of his greatest dislikes are helping seniors reach for things, doing crossword puzzles, and ensuring that they can’t get their arthritis medicine covered in order to continue writing letters to the editor. He has also been known to never repeat important phrases said during tv shows for the benefit of hard of hearing seniors. But Ryan appears to have taken his dislikes and transformed them into a massively awesome plan.

Not very long ago, Republican Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich made headlines when he suggested creating a permanent moon colony. Well it seems Ryan is expounding upon that late nite drinking aspiration.

I am a firm believer in Newt’s moon colony idea,” said an enthusiastic Ryan. “I think the best solution to deal with our fiscal issues on entitlement programs such as social security and medicare is for us to gather up all of our seniors, put them on a shuttle, and send them to the moon.”

With all of the open spaces the moon has to offer, Ryan feels that they can just think of it as one massive shopping mall to walk around in.

It’s a win-win: Seniors get to Moon Sudoku all day and no longer be a burden to their families who hate them, while we get to have al of this extra money to give to corporations and billionaires,” said Ryan 



Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for affiliated Cagle Media. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook, Youtube, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.

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