House GOP Bans Closets, Preventing Candidates from Coming Out of One

It’s election season, the sights and sounds of politicians can be experienced first hand from the comfort of your couch. With election season, comes preventative measures to make sure every candidate has a fair, past free path to the oval office.

With this sense of security, House GOP leaders have created and pushed forth a new bill that would ban all closets from GOP members offices and bedrooms. Republican Joe Wilson of South Carolina, who’s a huge backer of this bill, stated. “This bill put forth in the house will ultimately save a lot of our members and candidates for the oval office. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten lost in my closet. My staff couldn’t find me for hours, and my wife was upset. I’ve received calls from Rick Santorum thanking me for being a hardcore advocate of this bill. He has told me his biggest fear is coming out of his closet after being lost, and realizing it wasn’t time to come out yet.”

Fox News has blamed the left-wing media for forcing Republicans into the closets in the first place. Ann Coulter said yesterday on her Twitter account, “The liberal media are harassing the Republicans so much, that they’re running into their closets. This has to be stopped right now!”

The bill will most likely pass through the House, but unlikely to pass through the Senate. President Barack Obama stated if the bill was to pass the Senate, he would veto it, saying “This bill does not create jobs, and only further exposes the Republicans sense of insecurity.”

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