Romney Grips Critical Trekkie Vote

LOS ANGELES — With the results of Super Tuesday just hours away, pollsters are discovering that Mitt Romney, the sometimes Republican frontrunner, has surged to a string of recent wins based on the power of a hitherto overlooked voting block: Trekkies. Recent poll analyses indicate that the Trekkie vote put Romney over the top in Michigan last week and helped deliver him a decisive victory in Washington on Saturday.

Trekkies across the nation recently gained interest in Romney after rapper Skylar Gordy of LMAO reported that the former Massachusetts governor used “a Vulcan Grip” on him during an altercation on an airplane. Billy Pillgun, President of the Intergalactic Council of Trekkies (ICT) explained, “We had always thought Obama was the most Spock-like because he is all calm and logical. But then this ‘Vulcan grip’ of Romney’s was reported, so we decided we better take a closer look at him.”

What Pillgun and the ICT found was that Romney fit far more of their criteria for Spockness. “Obama is logical, but he has compassion, which is an emotion, and that’s illogical to a Vulcan,” Pillgun stated.

“What we see in Romney is a consistent pattern of logical behavior, unmarred by illogical, emotional concerns for his fellow creatures,” Pillgun said.

“For example, the way he coolly went to a car wash when the family canine strapped to the roof was in gastrointestinal distress then calmly blasted the animal clean of its own feces with about 20 pounds of water-pressure per square-inch before placidly getting back on the highway ready to play license plate poker with the kids while the canine air-dried above — I mean, either Romney’s a Vulcan or he’s an unempathetic psychopath!”

Trekkies across the nation are vowing to bring Romney a clean sweep on Super Tuesday. “And we’re not above teleporting aliens in to vote,” Pillgun warned.

In response to his sudden popularity with fans of the science fiction powerhouse, Romney said, “Yes, I too like to watch proletariat television shows about space men. Nanu, nanu, my friends!”

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