Breaking News: Newt Gingrich Drops Out of Race for a More Attractive, Fully Alive Race

Republican Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich held a press conference today to announce his resignation from the race for President of the United States. When asked about his reasons for the decision, Gingrich said, “Well, my race is dying, it’s on its death-bed. So I’m committing myself to a more attractive race.”

Fox News pundit Sean Hannity was upset with the news so he took to Twitter with a response to Gingrich’s move. “Newt’s decision is a bad move. Like come on! The GOP is a family, and we must stick together. Through thick and thin to destroy this Socialist agenda!” A fan replied to Hannity’s Tweet by saying, “You should know Newt can’t commit to anything! Remember his extramarital affairs? You expected a faithful guy?!” Hannity replied by saying, “Come on, his wife was dying, and she was a b*tch because she wanted to stay on life support, she deserved the divorce papers on her death-bed! This race is more important than some leech, sucking off of Newt’s hard work. She’s an entitlement baby.”

This news comes after the “suspension” of opponent Herman Cain’s election just last week. This leaves the race,once again, in the hands of Republican Mitt Romney. Romney recently received a boost of confidence with an endorsement from the “National Flip Flop Association.”

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