Herman Cain Responds to Sexual Harassment Claims, “I like big butts and I cannot lie”

In a recent interview with Republican candidate Herman Cain, we touched base on recent allegations of sexual harassment bestowed upon him. It’s rumored that Herman Cain, when the head of the National Restaurant Association, was involved in a case of sexual harassment with a female employee.

In a one on one interaction with Mr. Cain, we got his side of the story.


FWP Reporter: Hello Mr. Cain, lets cut to the chase. What’s your side of the story on the allegations of sexual harassment?

Herman Cain: Sexual harassment? There’s nothing “harassing” if the woman invited herself to my corporate apartment.

FWP Reporter: So you’re saying you did engage in sexual relations with this woman?

Herman Cain: Look, when I was younger I had a strong attraction to womanly features. I chose to, and to this day, I like big butts and I cannot lie.

FWP Reporter: Uh, ok. So you’re saying her big “butt” was the cause of the sexual harassment?

Herman Cain: I’m sure you like big butts too man, you other brothers can’t deny!

FWP Reporter: Mr. Cain, that’s not acceptable at all.

Herman Cain: So you’re trying to tell me man, that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist, and a round thing in your face, you don’t get sprung?

FWP Reporter: Thank you Mr. Cain, that’s all for now.

Herman Cain: You liberals can’t take a joke! America needs to lighten up.

FWP Reporter: Good luck on your campaign sir.


Immediately after this interview, the Free Wood Post reporter was followed to the parking lot by one of Cain’s security guards, who demanded the recording of the interview. After several minutes of a standoff between our staff and Cain’s security, our production van pulled up and rushed our team out of the area.

Phone calls to Cain’s security firm were not immediately returned.

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