CEO Forced to Marry Pillow in Shotgun Wedding

CEO Hal Arling, head of New York-based search marketing company SlaB-O, was forced to wed his pillow today, after being caught with it by his host, Tennessee farmer Ed Collins.

“This drifter,” said farmer Collins, “well, he come a callin’. Said his car broke down. Bein’ a good Christian, I say he can sleep in da barn. Well, ‘round midnight, I think somethin’s not quite right, so I sneak up there, and bang, there he is, all grindin’ and gropin’ away with his pilla – hell, it wuz one of my pillas, barely 15 years old!”

Bursting into the barn’s upper loft with double-barreled shotgun in tow, the farmer said he gave the startled internet exec two choices.

“I said he could either be aerated, or he could do the honorable thing, and marry dat pilla! Guess which one he chose!”

CEO Arling responded to the scandal by sending an email link to the Associated Press, which, when opened, presented a set of ad listings for Viagra.

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