Banks To Begin Asking For A Urine Sample From Customers With Accounts Under $10K

Many large banks in America are looking for ways to make sure their customers are receiving the best customer service possible. Some are not charging debit card fees for customers with greater than $20,000 in their combined accounts, or if they hold a mortgage with the bank. Now those same customers are getting more good news, including those that have greater than $10,000 in their combined accounts. They now will not have to submit to the new drug test that will require a urine sample from all customers with less than $10,000 in their combined accounts.

Now some may say, “Why a drug test for those who have less than $10,000?” The banks have released this statement:

“While we understand that those with less than $10,000 in their combined accounts may not necessarily need to have a drug test, we feel that in order to preserve the dignity of our upper echelon customers we need to make them feel special and extraordinary away from the ordinary customers that don’t make as much money. It is purely to reward those that make more money, and make the others feel as though they are criminals, drug users, worthless, and poor. We already have implemented debit card charges to those lower tier customers to make up for profits that have come because of big government breathing down our necks. Maybe next time, the government will think twice before forcing us to punish those with less money.”

These new urine samples will be required starting at the beginning of next year.  

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