Republicans Will Approve Unemployment Extension If Checks Go To Koch Bros.

Republicans in Congress have enjoyed making Barack Obama’s presidential life miserable ever since he decided  he wanted to occupy the Whitehouse. But the fractious opposition turned a new leaf on President Obama’s ambitious American Jobs Act proposal.

Obama’s larger-than-expected $447 billion package includes spending on infrastructure, an extension of the payroll tax cut and unemployment benefits, aid to states to prevent teacher layoffs, and tax credits for employers who hire veterans and the long-term unemployed. Republicans only like infrastructure if it leads to nowhere, teachers are ruthless capitalists who brought the world economy to its knees, and veterans are lazy since they choose to be veterans instead of private contractor supplements so don’t expect any of those lofty goals seeing the light of day. But the president might see his goal of an unemployment extension passed on the condition that all of the unemployed’s weekly benefits go to the billionaire Koch Bros.

“David and Charles Koch are have taken the biggest hit during this recession. They’ve only been able to buy a diamond-encrusted yacht per month instead of per week, and, worse yet, the haven’t been able to afford premium cable on them,” said Republican Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY).  

This is a win-win solution. David and Charles Koch get to have money to stuff in their Grapeshisha couches and the American people get to show some patriotism by helping out two of America’s biggest heroes,” said Rush Limbaugh

President Obama is left with a serious moral dilemma: squander money on silly education and infrastructure or ensure that two of America’s bravest heroes get more  diamond-encrusted yachts.

Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for affifilated Cagle. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook

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