Republicans Complain About President Obama’s Blue Tie, Call It ‘Too Partisan’

Today, House Republicans openly complained about the tie President Obama wore yesterday afternoon. As part of his ensemble, Mr. Obama chose to wear a blue tie during a series of speaking engagements. This did not sit well with Congressional Republicans, who immediately accused the President of dressing in a partisan manner.

The Republicans held a press conference to make it clear that they would not tolerate this act of clear bias. “We feel that this President chose the wrong color to represent himself and the nation,” said Representative Eric Cantor (R-VA). “President Obama has claimed to be a man of the center, yet he chooses to wear a color that clearly represents the Democratic Party. He’s dressing in a purely partisan manner.”

After kissing Cantor’s rings, House Speaker John Boehner took the podium and charged the President with discriminating against Republicans. “This is a clear act of discrimination against those of us who are trying to compromise with the White House,” Boehner told the press. “When I realized what color tie he was wearing I started weeping for my country. I’m still a little teary eyed over it.”

Reporters caught up with Representative Joe Wilson (R-SC)outside of the Capitol and asked for his thoughts on the matter. “President Obama doesn’t know what we are going through right now. It’s not right to be discriminated against. Someone ought to make a law against that.” A reporter informed the congressman that there was indeed a law against discrimination, to which Joe Wilson screamed, “You lie!”

The White House responded to Republican accusations by releasing footage of a town hall the previous day showing President Obama wearing a red tie, which is the color that represents the GOP. Journalists asked Majority Leader Cantor if he would like to walk back his earlier accusation. Cantor refused. “I think the President did the right thing by wearing a red tie the previous day,” he said. Cantor continued, “It shows the President’s patriotism and willingness to see things our way.” Members of the media asked Cantor why he considers wearing a blue tie “partisan” while wearing a red tie isn’t. Cantor abruptly excused himself from the press room.

After he briefly came out of his shell, reporters asked Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) the same question and he implied that blue is an anti-American color. “Democrats have been pushing a, frankly, un-American agenda for decades and for President Obama to wear a tie that represents blue states is unfortunate.” Upon being told that the color blue is found in the American flag, the sky, and in various painting and color sets, the Tea Party Caucus introduced several bills. One such bill would replace the color blue in the American flag with the yellow of the ‘Don’t tread on me’ flag.’ John Boehner introduced a measure that would require a day of prayer asking God to change the sky color from blue to orange.

Later in the day, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney responded to the accusations and actions of the GOP. “This is petty and childish and represents a new low in American politics,” Carney stated. “Instead of working on creating jobs and helping the American people, Republicans are wasting time complaining about the color of President Obama’s tie.”

The President himself entered the White House press room and made the following statement.

“I wore a blue tie. As Joe Biden would say, big f****** deal. I’ve noticed many Republicans have worn blue ties before and they don’t seem to have a problem doing it themselves. I’ve also noticed them wearing red ties, which coincidentally is the color used in many communist and fascist flags. Does this mean the Republican Party supports China? Of course not. Does this mean the Republican Party supports the policies of Benito Mussolini? Well…”

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