Rush Limbaugh’s Hearing Deteriorates Further

In a recent interview conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh revealed that his previously disclosed hearing loss has become even more pronounced.  In 2001 Mr. Limbaugh acknowledged that he had suffered considerable hearing loss, but with the help of cochlear implants he had been able to regain much of his hearing.  He now discloses that his condition has worsened and has even affected his ability to do his radio show.

Interviewer: “How has this further deterioration of your hearing affected your ability to do your show?”

Limbaugh:  “Sometimes I have to turn up the volume on my implants so high that it gives me headaches.  It is has gotten so bad that I have even turned the darn thing off in the middle of my show.  Frankly, the shows I have done with the implants turned off have been some of my best.  One thing that I realized is that even when my hearing was fine, I rarely listened to my callers.  Not being able to hear the other side of a conversation is actually very helpful for a man in my profession.”

 Interviewer:  “Has this experience taught you anything about yourself?”

Limbaugh: ” Even in my everyday life I seldom listen to what other people have to say and I have gotten along just fine. It allows me to stay focused on what is really important, my own views and ideas.  When I was constantly being bombarded with the opinions of others it was difficult for me, especially when some of those ideas sounded reasonable.  I was confused as I began to believe that other people might have legitimate points of view.  By turning off the implants I can stay clear of other people’s thoughts and perspectives and concentrate only on myself.  Of course, sometimes I do encounter an idea that is not my own.  For instance, the other day I was reading about a payroll tax holiday.  On its face it sounded like a good idea, I mean it’s a tax cut so I should be in favor of it, right?  But thankfully I already knew that the idea was coming from the President.   So, even before I read the details of his proposal, I was sure that it was a bad idea and that I must oppose it.”

When asked for his reaction to Limbaugh’s disclosure conservative talk show host Sean Hannity responded, “That type of innovation is why Rush is the giant of our industry.  I can only aspire to ignore my callers to the extent that he has.”  Prophet of the Apocalypse Glenn Beck became very emotional when told of Limbaugh’s condition.  In between bouts of tears he could be heard mumbling, “Bill Ayers, (sob), ACORN, (sob), Van Jones, (sob) George Soros, (sob)”.  Beck then lay down on the floor and appeared to melt into a puddle of goo.

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