Rick Perry Proud Of Prisoner Execution Record

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Perry told reporters he is so gosh darn proud of executing 253 death row inmates. Everything is bigger in Texas, and that also means the number of fried inmates. Perry touts his credibility in this area over former president George W. Bush, who only executed a mere 131 prisoners as Governor of Texas.

“We live in an era of constantly changing technology and growing social media, so it’s important that I keep up with executions in modern times. George Bush just couldn’t fry em’ like I can,” said Gov Perry.

George W. Bush simply didn’t understand the dynamics and wizardry of executions like Perry. Perry has so much credibility on the issue of executions that he doesn’t care one toot about the innocent man he executed.

“Doing so will deter other innocent people,” said Perry.

Clearly Gov. Perry understands today’s business environment when it comes to executions, and he’s willing to embrace new ideas, such as saving taxpayers money by ordering electric chairs that seat two and implementing execution drive-pool lanes.

“We can’t have innocent people sitting in traffic when there are executions to be had,” said Perry. 

Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affifilated Cagle. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook

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